I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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