apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
