He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
