I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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