she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
