Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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