2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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