I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
