i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
