I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
