I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
