I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
