A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just google imaged poop.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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