wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
