If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
