i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
