im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
