the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
