It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
