Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
