i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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