hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
