I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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