I wish I could teleport
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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