I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
