she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
