bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
