The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
