i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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