they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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