Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I party with great urgency now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
