My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
