I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
