I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
