I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
