I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
