Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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