My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
