she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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