Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drake has all the answers
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
