YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
