he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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