I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
