Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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