He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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