My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
