is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
