Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
