Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Enjoy the penises
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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