just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
