The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
