I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
