So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
