I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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