i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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