I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
