a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We left the knife in your bed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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