Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
