Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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