i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
