Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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